Payroll October 1, 2026
Crew 12 now paid; damages come out of it
Every job pays wages, faster work pays more, and anything the crew breaks is deducted before payday. A slip under the clock shows take-home pay ticking down as things get hit. Wreck enough of the town and the crew finishes the shift owing the city money.
The clipboard now says who broke what, pins up photos of the worst moments, and keeps a crew record. The crew roster keeps count of Days Without an Incident. It is usually zero.
Public Health October 1
Street food found all over town; crew eating it anyway
Expired milk, a sidewalk hot dog, a gas station taco and a bench burger have turned up beside benches and bus shelters. Vending machines spill their stock when the truck hits them. Side effects now include blurry vision, controls that run backwards, butterfingers and dizziness. Food thrown at a coworker's face gets eaten.
Personnel October 1
Supervisor to make surprise visits; everyone has a side gig
Dispatch gives thirty seconds' warning before the supervisor walks over. Anything broken while they watch is billed twice. Each worker is also handed a secret side gig at the start of a shift, like honking fifteen times or breaking $1,500 of city property. The clipboard reveals them all at the end.
Public Works September 30
North side joins the service area
Canal Street, Pawn Row, the Mega Mall and Harbor Drive are now inside city limits as far as Crew 12 is concerned. Four calls have moved up there, which means longer drives and more things to hit on the way.
The first call up there was a couch on Canal Street. The town is bigger. The truck is the same size.
Animal Control September 30
Goat has a name now; city keeping goat
A county fair truck lost its back gate in the Mega Mall car park. The crew herded a cow, a sheep, a pig and a goat into a pen. Somebody named the goat, so that's settled.
Lost & Found September 30
Have you seen Gary?
Gary is a traffic cone with googly eyes. He lives at the yard and rides in the truck. At the end of every shift the clipboard reports whether he made it home, got left on a street somewhere, or met the chainsaw.
Finance September 30
Damage bill now itemized as it happens
Every dent shows up on screen with a price, and a gentle tap costs less than a full-speed hit. A fire truck is $6,000. The roundabout fountain is $5,000. A newspaper box is $70. Dispatch adds that the mayor has been informed, and the mayor is not laughing. Go far enough over budget and the crew gets a Notice of Disciplinary Action.
Break Room September 30
Break room snacks under review
The truck is restocked with snacks before every call. Reported side effects include jumping like you're on the moon, a much bigger head, and one long burp. The mystery donut remains a mystery.
Public Safety September 30
Residents ask crew to stop picking them up
Workers can pick up members of the public and throw them, and they go floppy when they land. After twenty of them get bowled over in one shift, they form a committee and the supervisor sends everyone home.
Sanitation September 30
Pawn Row dumpster shut at last
Dispatch described the dumpster behind the Pawn Row shops as overflowing, which it called a generous word. The crew pulled out the big stuff, bagged the rest, stomped it down and got the lid closed. The raccoons are unofficial crew members and were allowed to stay.
Arts & Culture September 29
Cinema changes the marquee again
The letters change by hand every few minutes. This week: Gone with the Wind (The Bins) and Fast & Furious: Parking Enforcement. Next week, Pothole 2: The Deepening. Seat 4F is still broken.
Equipment September 29
Department down one cone
The chainsaw is for fallen trees. It also works on cones, benches and anything else you hold still long enough. The department has one chainsaw and would like to keep it that way.